Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Betcha Can't Take Just One!

Not that long ago, the Judeoblogosphere was taken by storm by Lamed Zayin's Orthodoxy Test.

Now, though, thanks to Deitybox over at Jewschool a.k.a. ג'וסקול nee דזשוסקול, we are all also privilaged to take a Shidduch Score Test, to see how shidduchable we are. So crank up Blue Fringe's Shidduch Song, and click some petty distinctions!

I came out with two different Shidduch Scores:
31 or 39
depending on what I picked on the following question:
12) What's your normal attire? (If you're a guy)

    a) White shirt, black pants, black jacket, black hat
    b) Black hat, shirts occasionally blue or pastel
    c) Business suits and ties, no hat   »»» 39
    d) Jeans and T-shirts   »»» 31
    e) I'm female, don't count this question.

Who knew my shidduchability score could vary so much depending on whether I'm going to shul, at work, or hanging out? Three cheers for externals and image-based judgments! Oh wait...

Well, it doesn't matter so much anyway, either way my score only gets me a Below-Par rating: User Test: The Shidduch Score Test.
Your shidduch ranking is below average, nebach. With much Tehillim and tears and brochos from the Munchausener Rebbe, there is a slight chance that you will be set up with someone who might deign to consider you (but don't get your hopes up too high.)

If you need me, I'll be over here reading Tehillim Mishley and getting brochos dating advice from the Munchausener Rebbe (the who?) successfully engaged/married friends.

And to think they didn't even ask whether I believe in evolution or not!
(or if i'm — nebech hazit — a BT, or a geir...)


Blogger The back of the hill said...

I got a "Below-Par score" also.

Who the devil is the munchausner rebbe? And why is he advertising his services in such a devious manner?

12/28/2005 6:50 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

The questions may have been a bit dumb, but the provided answers were too stupid for words.

I got a 29, and I had to choose "closest answer" for most of the questions.

12/28/2005 9:41 PM  
Blogger Shifra said...

That quiz was too funny. If you thought the answers were stupid Mar G it's because the quiz was meant to be funny. Maybe it's funnier to me because I'm "out of the parsha" as they say.
Anyway, I got a 58 which is "average."
Maybe that's why I'm already married!

12/29/2005 10:47 AM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

I'm still wondering what exactly "out of the parsha" is supposed to mean...

12/29/2005 10:57 AM  
Blogger Balabusta in Blue Jeans said...

I'm a 32. I think my dress size, dress style, lack of yichus, and, well, everything else I checked, did me in. I may have gotten extra points for teaching--they didn't ask at what school. Also, I sometimes use floral tablecloths on Shabbos.

OK. I'm a chubby girl in jeans, I'm past thirty, I'm not related to the Vilna Gaon, and I won't get an ilui. Also, of course, I'm living with a Gentile who's also not related to the Vilna Gaon, which is really the big barrier to my getting an awesome shidduch. But once again, the test didn't ask.

12/29/2005 2:13 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

I'm still wondering what exactly "out of the parsha" is supposed to mean...

In this context, or בִּכְלָל?

12/29/2005 2:23 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...



12/29/2005 3:51 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...


In general, üt means: "Not relevant ün thüs context."

Here, Shüfra means: "I have already bün married for over 10 years, so I am not ün the shiddukh scene. Therefore, I can laugh [laff] at the quüz, without feeling directly implücated."

12/29/2005 3:54 PM  
Blogger Mirty said...

I came out average. It didn't ask if you happened to already be married, which would surely make one "below par" for a shidduch. ;)

12/29/2005 4:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As if I couldn't feel any worse. I got a 1. A one. "Below-Par" is an understatement. I guess being a decendant of the Vilna Gaon doesn't count for much when one is an ugly shlemiel from a dysfunctional family like I am.

12/29/2005 8:51 PM  
Blogger shmutzy said...

I'm a goy, and I got a 36. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

12/30/2005 1:44 AM  
Blogger Lipman said...

'In the parshe' is a (mainly chareidi) idiom meaning

a) in the broad sense: in a particular phase in one's life. Ex.: In a phone talk with my Gateshead cousin two days ago, he discussed vacation options and preferences of his children, mentioning "The two youngest are still in the parshe where they don't care, and you can take them anywhere."

b) in the narrow sense: in the phase of one's life where one's parents think you shoould be looking for a wife.

12/30/2005 3:40 AM  
Blogger Lipman said...


Typo, no hidden message.

12/30/2005 7:58 AM  
Blogger Shifra said...

"b) in the narrow sense: in the phase of one's life where one's parents think you shoould be looking for a wife."

Well your parents or perhaps you yourself. It also doesn't relate only to dating/looking for a shidduch although that's it's most common use.

Here's another usage where "in the parsha" means "looking to buy a car." (I made it as Brooklyn-y as I could just for you Steg.)

M1: Hey let's go stop by Harry's Haimish Automobiles!

M2: Why, are you in the parsha?

M1: No, I just want to see how business is doing so I can hit Harry up for a donation later.

12/30/2005 9:05 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

A bigger problem is all that stuff you wrote in the last post:

Goblin King?



Do you in your wildest dreams imagine that you'll EVER get a girl to talk to you??

Do what I did: Take up bass guitar.

12/30/2005 10:08 AM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


But didn't you marry a Nice Jewish Girl who plays videogames?

But don't worry, I was at Stern the other day, and I met...


12/30/2005 10:30 AM  
Anonymous intrigued.. said...

You met a winky emoticon?

12/30/2005 10:50 AM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

Does "intrigued" = "big brother"?

12/30/2005 12:57 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


i doubt it

12/31/2005 7:08 PM  
Blogger Shifra said...

Psychotoddler is right.
A bass guitar makes an man instantly more attractive (at least to me).

12/31/2005 8:12 PM  
Blogger Chana said...

oh, dear

*sheds a tear for you*

1/01/2006 4:30 AM  
Blogger torahumaddachic said...

heh heh heh-- chakira and i both scored respectably in the average score range.. (i scored higher though, but that was bc despite my urging that he should answer the how goregous are you question with "if i wasnt so frum i'd be a model" he very modestly- and unlike me- picked "i have chein".) :-)

1/01/2006 1:30 PM  
Blogger AMSHINOVER said...

does this test take homosexuality into account?

1/01/2006 2:32 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


Well it doesn't ask about it straight out (pun not intended), but i can see a test like that trying to detect homosexuality based on the answers to other questions (for instance, the floral tablecloth maybe?).

1/01/2006 2:39 PM  
Anonymous Munchausener said...

The Munchausener Rebbe is the author of the sefer Retzoin Shochni S'neh, which is droshos on the various holidays.

He has a shteeble in Brooklyn, where I attended hakofois once on Shmini Atzeres.

Check my website, please!

1/01/2006 3:16 PM  
Blogger MC Aryeh said...

I got a 59. I think yichus should be extended beyong rebbeim to include anyone remotely rich or famous, There should also be a bass guitar question....and for you, Steg, a LARP question...

1/02/2006 3:15 AM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


I was thinking the same thing about the yichus... where's the checkmark for my grandfather having been a detective in NYC who helped bust the Jewish Mafia?!

Nasty Jewish Mafia... they used to sit around their Shabbos tables discussing who they were going to whack next.

1/02/2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

The only reason ;-) would ever talk to you is because her father is almost as big a geek as you.

1/02/2006 3:00 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Don't worry, i was just joking.

But does that mean that if i do ever randomly bump into someone on the street i don't have to worry about being followed by a shotgun guitar with spikes coming out of it?

1/02/2006 5:54 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

a shotgun guitar


1/03/2006 12:00 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Kill the wabbit! (by Mark McCollum, "Ozzy Fudd")

1/03/2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

I never said that.


1/03/2006 8:28 PM  

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