Thursday, December 22, 2005

Still Uncategorizable

Women who cover their hair and wear pants.

Colorful knit yarmulkas under black hats.

Modern Orthodox hhasids.

Orthoprax reconstructionists.

Well, I'm not quite that uncategorizable (or category-F'd as some call it), but according to Lamed Zayin's Orthodoxy Test, I am stam "Modern Orthodox" (whatever that means). User Test: The Orthodoxy  Test.
You're Modern Orthodox all right, but wait!
Just when you were ready to live an idyllic happily-labeled life they announce Left Wing and Right Wing Modern Orthodoxy. What the heck is up with that? Maybe you need to rethink and refine some of your positions, and then take the test again so I can put you in a little box.

Hat tip (although i hate that expression): OrthoMom


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that a test for frumkeit (Orthodoxy) would include terms that an am-haaretzdikeh apikores (Jewishly-illiterate heretic) like me doesn't understand. Is a "segulah" one of those "lucky charm" things, such as a hamsah (Middle Eastern "hand" sign) or that red string that Madonna is sporting? May I assume that "in the parsha" means Orthodox?

This is your weekly reminder: Don't forget to listen to Fudge's radio show, "Isle of Manhattan," tonight at 7 PM on (Yeshiva University Radio). Let's hope that the YU shuttle buses, at least, are still running, 'cause Fudge is certainly not going to get uptown to the studio via our currently-kaput subway system.

Here's my new posting-from-the-office ID: Subway Sally (or, for the duration of the transit-workers' strike, Schlepper Sally.)

12/22/2005 11:58 AM  
Anonymous brother reuven said...

"Category-fucked" isn't a state of being, it's a state of mind. It doesn't mean you don't fit into a category, it means your eyes have been opened and categories no longer have any meaning for you.

12/22/2005 12:30 PM  
Anonymous brother reuven said...

and on that topic, the quiz says i'm in the 99th percentile of Left Wing Modern O. go figure

12/22/2005 12:36 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

Yeah, I found the questions about Chazal's errors and Bible critics to not have satifactory answers among the choices given, but nevertheless answered the "best fit". I thought that the Rambam question was totally absurd (because the Rambam DOESN'T live today, and if he did, he wouldn't be the Rambam), so I left it out entirely.

12/22/2005 12:46 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

it means your eyes have been opened and categories no longer have any meaning for you.

ד וַיֹּאמֶר הַנָּחָשׁ, אֶל-הָאִשָּׁה: לֹא-מוֹת, תְּמֻתוּן. ה כִּי, יֹדֵעַ אֱ-לֹהִים, כִּי בְּיוֹם אֲכָלְכֶם מִמֶּנּוּ, וְנִפְקְחוּ עֵינֵיכֶם; וִהְיִיתֶם, כֵּא-לֹהִים, יֹדְעֵי, טוֹב וָרָע. ו וַתֵּרֶא הָאִשָּׁה כִּי טוֹב הָעֵץ לְמַאֲכָל וְכִי תַאֲוָה-הוּא לָעֵינַיִם, וְנֶחְמָד הָעֵץ לְהַשְׂכִּיל, וַתִּקַּח מִפִּרְיוֹ, וַתֹּאכַל; וַתִּתֵּן גַּם-לְאִישָׁהּ עִמָּהּ, וַיֹּאכַל. ז וַתִּפָּקַחְנָה, עֵינֵי שְׁנֵיהֶם, וַיֵּדְעוּ, כִּי עֵירֻמִּם הֵם; וַיִּתְפְּרוּ עֲלֵה תְאֵנָה, וַיַּעֲשׂוּ לָהֶם חֲגֹרֹת.

Now the serpent said to the woman: Ye will surely not die. For God knows that on the day when you eat of it, you will become category-fucked; and you will be like God, discerning good and evil. [...] Now the two of them became category-fucked, and they knew that they were naked; so they sowed together some fig-leaves, and made themselves girdles.

12/22/2005 12:50 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

so they sowed together some fig-leaves

Sorry, I meant "sewed".

12/22/2005 12:50 PM  
Blogger orthomom said...

At least you didn't end up in some oxymoronic and moronic category like "left-wing yeshivish".

12/22/2005 1:36 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Anonymous / Subway/Schlepper Sally:

Yup, that's what i assumed they meant by segula; also superstitious actions.

Reuven (not Yehuda? or are you waiting for Vayigash for that one?):

ah okay, i'll try and remember that.
Oh, but what percentages are you of the other ones? ;-)


For the Rambam question i picked "would be considered an apikores" since even though I don't consider him so (hhas veshalom!), i'm sure many people would in today's world.


You and R' Gil Student! ;-)

12/22/2005 2:01 PM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

I'm right wing modern orthodox. Anyone who's read me knows that already.

12/22/2005 3:35 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...



12/22/2005 4:33 PM  
Blogger The back of the hill said...

I too picked apikores for the Rambam. He was considered so then, and a lot of people from now think like from then.

I too am 'modern orthodox'.

Now that's scary.

Actually, I'm a member of the Grelzakian Toad Cult - a priest, in fact.
[For those who don't know, the G.T.C. equive of the vatican is Bayonne, NJ.]

12/22/2005 4:42 PM  
Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

Actually, I'm a member of the Grelzakian Toad Cult - a priest, in fact.

What's this all about, anyway? I noticed that you mentioned this in response to an anti-semitic Nittle-shopping-mess commenter a few weeks ago. I googled "Grelzakian", but didn't find any results.

12/22/2005 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Josh said...

I took the test and got "Huh?" Which is a bit more accurate than I'd like, really.

12/22/2005 5:30 PM  
Blogger Ayelet said...

I asked my husband to answer the Rambam question, because I, admittedly, have not a clue. He said "Of course he's right-wing yeshivish although everybody else would say left-wing yeshivish." Well, anyhow, I'm a Huh?

12/22/2005 11:57 PM  
Blogger Ayelet said...

What don't you like about the term "hat tip"?

12/23/2005 12:16 AM  
Blogger Lipman said...

Hat tip: I think this implies that raising/removing your hat is an expression of koved, which is not so in Jewish society, where a hat for males is either seen as a sign of koved in general or as some kind of shchine shield.

Nevertheless, it is said that Raaf Hirsch raised and removed his hat and bowed when he met ladies from his community on the street. (No, there was no modern kippa still on his head.) Also, the Maharitatz says if in the "general" society, it is a sign of koved to remove one's headcovering, we should do so for prayers as well (daas yoched).

12/23/2005 6:37 AM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


What Lipman said about the Non-Jewish nature of the custom may have something to do with it, but it's probably more associated with those horrible corny movies from the [19]40's and [19]50's that my parents made me watch when i was younger. :-P


Very interesting!

12/23/2005 7:11 AM  
Blogger torahumaddachic said...

steg u should read my analysis of the MO test. and I also want to be blogrolled. blogroll me! im on LJ, same bat name, same bat channel.

12/23/2005 1:59 PM  
Blogger The back of the hill said...

Mar Gavriyel asked, in reference to Grelzakian "What's this all about, anyway? I noticed that you mentioned this in response to an anti-semitic Nittle-shopping-mess commenter a few weeks ago. I googled "Grelzakian", but didn't find any results."

Short answer: From the comic strip Ernie (now called 'Piranha Club'), in reference to Zerblat the alien who hides out at the bar where the characters drink. When asked about his religion, he responds 'Grelzakian Toad Cult'.

When J4Js, Jovi-witnesses and Mormons (and other thumper-types) ask if they can talk abaht tha bahble with me, I tell them I'm part of the Grelzakian Toad Cult.

If they want details, they get a lecture about how it's not a cult about toads, but about 'The Grelzakian Toad!' There are other toads and cults, and there are heretices who believe the cult is Grelzakian, thus disrespecting the unique qualities of The Toad. But we 'do not speak of them'.

The speech is laced with liberal quotes from 'our scriptures' (usually mediaeval Dutch Poetry).

Grelzakian Toad Cult - the best answer to any invasive questions about one's emounah.

12/23/2005 5:49 PM  
Blogger Shifra said...

I don't like the term hat tip because I'm not taking my hat off for anyone!

In your face airport security!!!

(can you tell I have issues with "homeland security")

12/24/2005 11:24 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

I especially have issues with the name "homeland security" itself. This ain't nobody's homeland but the Native Americans, and the rest of us latecomers screwed them out of it years ago. All American patriotic sayings and songs reference our Country, not our "Homeland", since we're all immigrants and we don't need a 'homeland' to unite us.

12/25/2005 3:33 AM  
Anonymous lone bochur said...

what were your percentages?

12/25/2005 10:49 PM  
Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...


Sorry, i didn't record them and i keep getting different responses in trying to reconstruct what i picked.

12/27/2005 7:31 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home