Thursday, June 29, 2006

Roads Loads Modes Clodes

In honor of my friend Dr. PT and his daughter The PT.

Today I went to the Target (and that's TAR-gitt not tar-ZHAY, for God's sake) in Marble Hill, Manhattan. I was looking for zipper polo-shirts, but couldn't find any, so I picked up a few t-shirts instead.

While walking down the aisles of the store, I passed the children's clothing sections, and saw a "toddler girls" t-shirt that said:

The Toddler Laws of Property
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
4. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
5. If I think it's mine, it's mine.


So that was pretty funny.

Anyway, I'm (iy"H) heading out to Israel for about a month after July 4th, so if anyone there wants to meet up (whether for the first time or a repeat), feel free to email me.

And if anyone knows anywhere in the NYC metropolitan area where they sell zipper polo shirts, please pass that info along and hook a brother up.
for the uncultured... and Ezzie, a zipper polo shirt:
(get the idea?)

And speaking of brothers, yes, bro, I am planning a more Torah-related post. Expect it some time today back-dated (or retconned vehameivin yavin) to yesterday.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Kindness of the Nations

Babylonian Talmud « seider Neziqin « masekhet Bava Batra 10b:
Rabbán Yohhanan ben Zakai said to his students:
My children! What does it mean that Scripture said tzedaqa teromeim goy, vehhesed le’umim hhatat ("righteousness/charity exalts a nation, and the kindness of the nations is a sin(-offering)")?"

Ribbí Eli‘ezer answered, and said:
"Charity exalts a nation" &mdash this is Israel, as is written, "and who is like your people Israel, one nation in the land."
"And the kindness of the nations is a sin(-offering)" — every act of charity or kindness that the [idolatrous] nations of the world perform is a sin to them, for they only do it to aggrandize themselves, as is said, "that they may offer aromatic sacrifices to the God of Heaven, and pray for the life of the king and his sons"...


Ribbí Yehoshua‘ answered, and said:
"Charity exalts a nation" &mdash this is Israel, as is written, "and who is like your people Israel, one nation..."
"And the kindness of the nations is a sin(-offering)" — every act of charity or kindness that the [idolatrous] nations of the world perform is a sin to them, for they only do it so that their kingdom will endure, as is said, "wherefore, King, let my counsel be acceptable to you, and release yourself from your sins by charity, and your iniquities by showing mercy to the poor; then there may be a lengthening of your prosperity etc."


Rabbán Gamli’eil answered, and said:
"Charity exalts a nation" &mdash this is Israel, as is written, "and who is like your people Israel..."
"And the kindness of the nations is a sin(-offering)" — every act of charity or kindness that the [idolatrous] nations of the world perform is a sin to them, for they only do it to look frum...


Ribbí Eli‘ezer Hamoda‘i says:
"Charity exalts a nation" &mdash this is Israel, as is written "and who is like your people Israel, one nation..."
"And the kindness of the nations is a sin(-offering)" — every act of charity or kindness that the [idolatrous] nations of the world perform is a sin to them, for they only do it to abuse us with it, as is said, "and God brought it, and did as he said; because you sinned to God and did not listen to his voice, and therefore this has happened to you."


Ribbí Nehhunya ben Haqaneh answered, and said:
"Charity exalts a nation, and kindness" — for Israel;
and "the nations, sin(-offering)."


Rabbán Yohhanan ben Zakai said to his students:
Ribbí Nehhunya ben Haqaneh's words look better than my words and your words, for he gives 'charity' and 'kindness' to Israel, and to the [idolatrous] nations of the world, 'sin'.

If he [=RYbZ] also said something, what was it?

We have learned —
Rabbán Yohhanan ben Zakai said to them:
Just as the sin-offering atones for Israel,
so charity atones for the nations of the world.


What the heck is going on here?
Are these illustrious sages making eternal, immutable metaphysical pronouncements that describe or shape the nature of reality for all time? Are Non-Jews really that bad?

Heck no! To She’ol with such thoughts!

Remember — this is Rabbán Yohhanan ben Zakai, who survived the destruction of the Second Temple and the Second Jewish Commonwealth. These are his students, who if they didn't also experience the Hhurban itself, they experienced the harsh hand of Roman rule over Judæa.

Whose answer did RYbZ prefer, beyond all his other students' answers as well as his own?

The meaningless one. Unlike his colleagues, Ribbí Nehhunya ben Haqaneh makes no claims about the actions or motivations of the Nations of the World. He simply out-negatives the other sages with a simple rearrangement of words without regard for grammatical constraints. He assigned the positive words in the sentence to Us, and the negative ones to Them. That's all he did. And in doing so, he expressed the most negative, primal-scream cry of anguish over the Destruction of our world. An association without context and without meaning. (For a contemporary scientific study of this type of positive/negative associative thinking, check out the Implicit Association Tests)

And whose answer is the #2 answer, the runner-up?

It seems to me that it must have been Rabbán Yohhanan ben Zakai's answer, himself. Now I admit that this isn't particularly convincing, but considering the fact that (A) he's the teacher [okay so as a teacher i'm a bit biased ;–)], and (B) he characterizes the final answer as better than both his own and the others', it looks to me like if RNbH hadn't come up with his answer, the final say would have gone to RYbZ himself.

Also, for some reason (*cough*cough*antigoyism*cough*cough*) some people like quoting Ribbí Eli‘ezer's answer as if it were masqanat hasugya, the conclusion of the discussion. So I guess if people are going to quote that negative one as if it were the Talmud's final say on the matter, there should be no problem with me going around quoting RYbZ's original answer as if it were the Talmud's final say on the matter!

Friday, June 16, 2006

JewsAgainstZionismPollution?

You've probably heard of Greenpeace.

Maybe you've heard of the Earth Liberation Front (a.k.a. "ELF"!).

But I guarantee that until you read this post, you had never heard of the newest, Jewest eco-terrorist group to sprout from the raped and exploited surface of Mother Earth:

NETUREY AR‘A
(נטורי ארעא)

the real reason Israel is the one country in the Middle East with no oil!


Because antisedimentism* is antisemitism.

*nope, i don't know what i'm talking about either.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Metzora‘at Kashaleg

Bemidbar/Numbers 12:
And then Miryam and Aharon spoke against Moshe, because of the Ethiopian woman he had married — for he had married an Ethiopian woman... and God's anger burned against them, and went away. When the cloud left from above the Tent [of Meeting], behold — Miryam was [white with] tzara‘at like snow...

Why was Miryam punished with tzara‘at (so-called "leprosy"), a skin condition that makes you taboo by turning your skin white?

Because she disrespected her sister-in-law for being black.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Waterworld (w/o Kevin Costner)

(although i actually liked that movie)

Today is the ominous date 6/6/6 &mdash June 6th, 2006. They chose this date to release the remake of the Christian apocalyptic movie The Omen, which I have no intention of seeing. I always find it difficult to 'get into' a movie built around the beliefs of someone else's religion, especially scary ones; I don't believe in Saytan or the Antichrist, so I can't really empathize with the characters' feelings.

Another movie to see is former Vice President Al Gore's documentary on global warming, An Inconvenient Truth, which describes the current and expected effects of the environmental crisis on Planet Earth and on human civilization.

A British programmer named Alex Tingle combined Google Maps and topographic data from NASA, and set up a webpage called Flood Maps to show what the planet will/would look like with a sea level rise of anywhere from 1 to 14 meters.

So I decided to go all the way and check out what the worst-case scenario 14 meters would do to the world as I know it. Feel free to check out your own locales and report back in the comments.

Here's what I found:
WASHINGTON HEIGHTS — Perfectly fine! (map)
The neighboring neighborhood of Inwood is mostly flooded by the Harlem River, but the heights of Washington Heights, as well as the valley between "The YU Side" and "The Other/Breuer's/Bennett Side", are high enough to stay clear.

BROOKLYN — Not so good. (map)
Greater Jewish Flatbush is no more. Except for a small area north of Avenue J, everything's under water.
Borough Park fares much better. While much of the southern part of the neighborhood is all wet, northern Borough Park — a.k.a. Blythebourne (Station) — is high and dry. Just imagine a boardwalk along 18th Avenue!

GREATER JEWISH SPRING VALLEY
Uh, yeah, nothing to say. 'Sall good. The rest of Upstate New York also has nothing to worry about.

NEW JERSEY
While some of Teaneck between Route 4 and I-80 survives, much of the rest of the Hackensack River / Meadowlands / Newark Bay watershed has become a ria, leaving the Palisades sill as a long peninsula stretching south from Rockland County.

ISRAEL
Here it gets interesting. According to the map, the Jordan Valley should flood; but since even with the sea level rise there's no way for the Ocean to get in there, I wouldn't expect much of a change. If it did, though, we could say goodbye to Jericho... and the Beit She’an Valley.
‘Ako and the entire Qerayot region north of Hhaifa disappear, as do long strips of Mediterranean coastline (you know... Hertzeliya, Tel Aviv, Ashdod...) and half of Eilat.


God told Humanity twice
(once to Adam and Eve, once to Noah)
be fruitful and multiply
and conquer the Earth!

In other words,
DON'T FLOOD IT!!!

(that's God's job)

Remember — it's not about saving the Earth.
It's about saving ourselves.

God set the planet bal timot — so that it won't falter.
We may not be so lucky.